PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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