In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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