Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize