She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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