just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize