Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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