her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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