just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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