Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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