did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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