Your face is a jimmy john
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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