I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
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Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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