wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize