he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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