I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize