So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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