if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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