I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
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I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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