Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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