Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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