do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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