You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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