Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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