1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
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Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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