i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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