hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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