You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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