I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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