You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't notice because vodka
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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