It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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