Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize