She is in my trunk
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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