pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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