what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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