My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize