i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
In America we eat man semen.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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