So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
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Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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