It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
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I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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