so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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