your parents love me but you hate me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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