dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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