that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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