Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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