Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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