how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize