I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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