I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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