ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
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its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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