Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
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When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
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MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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