Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize